Being home does not sit well with me now. Maybe the pressure that I feel there is too much or the scanning eyes of my family gets me hard. Or probably the way I get comfortable there and forget my work worries me to the core. The basic point is that it makes me cosy in its shelter. And what I need at the moment is a lot of workload. The problem lies with me that I love talking to my mother. And if I start my rant and routine, she will just scold me. And I don’t want that. She believes that something good will surely happen and the college degree will certainly help me. Now, I can’t break her heart saying the reality. I will bear with this. I will work hard to be the daughter my parents shall be proud of. I want to be the confident sister of my elder brother. And I want to be the guide of my younger siblings and cousins.
My father is the reality check that I will need at odd times. While we were at a welding shop, he asked me why my health was deteriorating. I said it’s fine and if this is a deterioration, It will go a little more. He asked me why. I replied, to get a good job. He said, that does not happen, You have to do hard work. Although I hate to admit all this,this man is outrightly correct. Each word he says is a truth and each statement he passes is a fact. And it takes a long time accepting things that are easily accessed. And I am no different, although I try not to. The road is surely a long one and it will take some time to reach there. But I will. It is my life and I cannot trade it for anything. It is my dream that I cannot give up on. It is my family that I cannot hurt. And it is me who refuses to submit.
These golden words and rules that I write, I really hope these bring out the real me and dissolves all the layers that have covered her. I just pray that my younger version gets a strong hold of herself and comes out finally. I have lost her amidst the chaos. But it’s time she came back. If not now, when then? She has to. She will. I will get her back. Because I need her desperately.
Signing off
So
