We are too confused between Love and Random Emotions
Feeling overwhelmed with Love or love like feelings? Worry not. They are always present to play with your head and heart. Confront before cooking all the stories.
I am in Love. I’m seriously in love. This is after the longest time that I felt so good with someone. The last relationship was six years back and it did not work for more than four months. Crushes came and went by. And now here is Advay, someone who listens to me and shares his life details too with me. A guy who is two years elder to me, a younger son in the family and someone who talks and listens.
Advay is someone who ticks many of my checkboxes. I am an elder daughter and thus, hyper sensitive and extremely reactive. He is a chilled guy whose I don’t give a damn attitude shivers my spine. I sometimes think office people would punish him for being so carefree, but they too start enjoying themselves. And with time, he has calmed me down. Stressing over things does not help, is what he says. He is a party animal and I am a stay home person. He persuaded me for a few company outings and I enjoyed it. My social battery does not have a long life, unlike him. He is a friendly guy, someone whose good looks are flaunted effortlessly and all the girls are in his fans list, including me. I love his smile. It curves beautifully and everytime he talks, I can’t help but just get lost in his eyes.
Is this it, What everyone talks about? Or is it just a one sided story in my imagination. He talks to everyone, not just me. He dances with people like crazy and I like to sit on the couch and enjoy the show. Even that is rare, because I am not very outgoing. Does he like me? Does he not like me? Feels like I am playing that game of Yes or No with rose petals. But this is my life. And the rose petals do not always answer correctly. And when will these petals end or when did it even start? What am I doing? I should just confess to him or atleast express and try to understand what his feelings are, for me or for anyone. He seems to be too extroverted and I am damn scared if he does not like me back. Should I even ask him or just let it be? But I have to break this cycle or I will just end up hurting myself more with these everyday overthinking sessions. I enjoy my coffee breaks with him and love to hangout in the balcony area. The terrace is our favourite when we have to overwork. I enjoyed these earlier too but with him is a comfortable feeling altogether. I don’t understand if I should be mad and crazy in love or calm in love. We are different and these differences feel like a valley that has to be crossed to meet him. And sometimes it gets as easy as it is to cross a bridge. That’s it now. I am not going to overthink and stress myself out of it. I will ask Advay tomorrow.
The next Day….
Shanaya- Good Morning Advay
Advay- Morning, Morning Sweetheart. I am a little busy, and will talk later during lunch.
It gives me hope. The word sweetheart gives me that. Anyways, I will just talk to him in a few hours.
Cafeteria…
A- You look nervous, Are you well?
S- Yeah, I am. Actually… Um.. Advay, I had to tell you something, sorry ask you
A- Ask, or Share, whatever suits you buddy.
S- You are always jolly. Any secrets?
A- No, I never learned to take tension because it feels pointless to me. I work better without it.
S- Do you have any plans for marriage?
A- No dude, My family really wants me to but I want to get settled properly. But you girl, get to the real deal. My food is almost finished.
S- I like you Advay. I have started to like you more than ever and before I design my imaginative story and break my heart later or just live on in the dream and hope of dating you, I want to ask what are your feelings on love?
A- You like me? Honestly I have not had such a direct conversation like you, but I like it. And talking about feelings, I genuinely respect your emotions but I do not feel the same for you Shanaya. You are a good friend, and I think it is best we keep it there. I have no plans of dating and marrying, so I won’t give you any false hopes. I am honoured that you like me, but please find someone else with whom your goals, commitments, and lifestyle would blend. I am not the one for you.
S- (A little teary) Thank you Advay. I hope nothing shall change between us after this. Thank you very much.
A- Of course not. You are one of the best colleagues. The break is over. If you are good, shall we head back?
This happened and I am glad. I confronted my feelings in front of him early. Otherwise it would have been another big heartbreak. I am not in love with him. I just feel good about him. Maybe he is a crush or an infatuation. But surely, a decent guy. Anyways, tomorrow shall be different. I hope it is and I hope I find a new crush.
Diary Update of Shanaya..
That shall be for today. We can always connect to talk, share things or just rant to each other. You can share your stories and we can connect to discuss them or if you need a shoulder. Here are my social handles:
Gmail- soovlogss@gmail.com
Instagram- https://instagram.com/so_recites_
Until next time, Signing off,
So
